When you combine your life with someone else’s, you’re tying every aspect of your life to theirs. This is why marriage has to be treated with all the attentiveness as any other financial or legal transaction. Talking about estates, wills, bank accounts and yes, even those controversial prenuptial agreements, is part of the deal and can save you a world of stress later on.
2. Stop Asking Why.
Constantly scrutinizing every reason and trying to understand why your partner said or did something will only rob you of our happiness in the present moment. Learn not to sweat the small stuff and only ask why when the reason truly matters.
3. There Are No Winners in Arguments
There are two sides to every story and the same is true for arguments. When you’re married, arguing shouldn’t be about proving who is right or wrong, but instead working together to find a compromise that leaves both of you happy.
4. You Can’t Change Someone
Having confidence in yourself is essential, because without it, you’ll start to criticize aspects in your partner that you don’t like about you. Once you feel secure in who you are, don’t try and make your husband or wife fit your idea of who they should or could be. Instead, love them as they are while always encouraging them to strive for greatness.
5. Just Because a Relationship Ends Doesn’t Mean It Wasn’t Worth It
So many people feel like they’re failures if their marriage ends, but that simply isn’t true. If you and your partner decide to go your separate ways, the memories you shared, life you made and anything else you had together doesn’t lose its value.
6. It’s Okay to Go to Bed Angry
Despite the common marriage adage that encourages you to never fall asleep with an argument unresolved, sometimes a good night’s rest is exactly what you need. Well, maybe you won’t sleep like a log with the night’s words still fresh in your mind, but the hours until morning will help your emotions settle and you’ll both be able to talk things out in the morning with a clear head. And coffee. Coffee helps everything.
7. Anger is Just Fear in Armor
When you’re mad, ask yourself what you’re afraid of. Talk about this reason with your partner. It will bring you closer together and spare a lot of hurt feelings.
8. Don’t Rely on Your Spouse for Self-Esteem
Just as children are taught to be their greatest confidants, adults should follow the same rule. It’s far too easy to place all of your emotional cards in a relationship, and when you truly give someone everything, this also includes your self-esteem.
You have to be able to build yourself up and be confident in who you are no matter what, because people who are tend to be more open to hearing different opinions. Instead of feeling attacked when someone disagrees with them, they’re able to assess the situation and maybe even adopt a new viewpoint.
9. Kids Change Everything
There’s no getting around this one. For better and for worse, kids will change your marriage. It doesn’t mean they’re any less of a joy to be had. They will fill your lives with incredible joy, but they also require new sacrifices that you both may not be as thrilled about making as you try to pretend you are. Don’t fake it. It’s okay to be afraid or not like certain changes. Confide in each other. Marriage is about sharing your happiness as well as your fears.
10. Would I Stay With Them If They Were Dying?
This sounds like a horrible question to ask, but it’s really the knowledge of our true answers that make us cringe. It doesn’t make you a bad person to hesitate, but it does mean you should reevaluate your relationship. If you’re not already married, then this is a point where you should consider ending things. And if you are, then it’s definitely time to make some changes.
The same holds true when asked in reverse. If you were dying, do you know with 100 percent certainty that they’d be there for you? If your relationship isn’t able to handle massive change – both good and bad – then don’t hate yourself or the other person for it. Just don’t get married.
The Reason for Marriage
There are a million reasons to hate marriage. Your parents got a divorce and scarred you for life. You think it’s a sham. It’s nothing more than a government transaction and has no real value.
All of those points hold truth, but there’s also plenty of counters. Most importantly, marriage is a cultural symbol that you love someone above all others. You may say “but who cares what society thinks”? But it’s not about proving your love to society. Marriage, at its core, is about two people agreeing to stick together through thick and thin, no matter what. It’s a grand display of commitment that translates to an incredible expression of love, and you should never settle for being with anyone who makes you feel like you fall short of deserving that.